2013 at a Glance

I wanted to make a cool infographic, but it was more frustrating than I initially thought. Prezi to the rescue! The more I use Prezi, the more I like it! Click on any pictures, boxes, or texts that interest you to get a closer look.

In many ways, this year has been a year of liberation and freedom. From unhealthy relationships, bad habits, from limitations I placed on myself. 2013 began with grief--Grandpa's death, sickness, and breaking off my first relationship; but the sun came out too bringing with it, new love, grand adventures, and fresh joy. My Mama said back in March, "It's good to hear you laughing again." A lot of joy and laughter has returned to my life after an absence I didn't realize was there. It was a rough start, but lots of good things happened in 2013 and I think I'm gonna miss this year.

Culinary Adventures: Croissants Pt. 2

The croissants turned out beautifully! Before they went in the oven, they looked like this:

They came out like this:

And we still have another half of the dough in the freezer! I couldn't have been more pleased with how they turned out! I plan to roll out the rest of the dough after Jake gets back so he can have a taste too. Dad and I want to make a lot more ham and cheese ones:

Because they are perfect for breakfast! Next time, I think I will give the dough an extra turn so it has more layers. On the whole, a smashing success!

P.S. I've been having some trouble posting with blogger lately, but I'm hoping the issue will be worked out soon! In the meantime, please don't mind any formatting discrepancies.

Culinary Adventures: Croissants Pt. 1

Today, I tried my hand at croissant dough!

Now croissants are actually made from what is called a "laminated" dough and it has many many layers of butter and dough from folding and rolling and folding and rolling it. When I first proposed the venture to my mom a few months ago, she cautioned me against the dough's difficulty, but when I actually got around to it, it wasn't terribly difficult. It just takes a lot of time and patience!

You have to refrigerate the dough a lot between turns so the butter doesn't get too melty, so it's been an all-day affair. I probably won't be able to bake them until later tonight or tomorrow. But...

So far so good!

Hour of Coding

What does Misha do with her free time?

a. she sleeps

b. she reads

c. she learns how to do computer programming

d. all of the above

Christmas Wreath

Made using: Khan Academy Computer Science.

If you chose d, you would be correct! Since vacation began, I have been taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep late, read for pleasure, and this afternoon, I learned how to code some basic shapes with JavaScript! Though I am not especially anxious to learn coding (not being a computer geek like my brother) coding is on my list of things to learn eventually so I can someday realize the chicken scratch ideas that are Bird's Eye View. I may not be that much closer to coding Bird's Eye View, but this is a fun little project and a nice intro to coding. Check it out if you're interested. I made a wreath!

P.S. No stats for today, because I have something special Stats-esque posting before the new year!

Christmas Eve on Mt. Lemmon

It is usually our custom to go up on Mt. Lemmon to play in the snow every year on Christmas Eve. This year, however, Dad had to work and he couldn't take us, so we went up by ourselves! There was not very much, but the snow was compact-ible enough for snowballs and snowmen. But mostly, we just hung out and kicked around the fluffy stuff. We also brought Dad's nice camera for higher quality pictures. Unfortunately, we are not high-quality photographers, but we manged to get a number of good photos!

Ever since I learned the rule of thirds, I've been trying to incorporate it into my pictures. So far, it's going okay. I could probably learn a lot from a basic photography class!

The three of us had fun though, and that's all that matters. This evening, we had our Christmas Eve service where my Mandolin debuted for my favorite folksy Christmas song, "Oh What a Beautiful City." Cam and I sang with the Coffin family and it all sounded so beautiful!! That family is a regular choir! We had 50 people turn out to the service, making it our most successful since we began! Numbers aside, I think the most precious part is singing carols together. What a great way to close out the night before celebrating Christ's birth tomorrow!

Photoshoot

Earlier this month, Kerri got her siblings (and the girlfriends, and a few family friends) together to take pictures, which she printed and framed for miss Jessica's Christmas gift. Now that Christmas is over, I can post them. Here are some of the best ones:

Group. Photos:

The siblings:

The boys:

The girls:

And of course, me and Jake:

Merry Christmas!!!

Behold the Christmas damage! Actually, this is only half of the damage-- after we cleaned up the paper and mom and I had already put our gifts away. 

Like most years, we completely failed to take any pictures during the ceremonial unwrapping of the gifts. Here are some of the day's highlights:

• Cameron jolting me out of deep sleep at 7:30am with "Misha it's Christmas!!!!"
• The gifts: Mom's new tablet, Cameron's pogo stick and ukulele, Dad's Bluetooth stereo, and for me, lots of lip gloss!!!
• We were totally finished unwrapping before 8:30am
• Lounging on the couch with a mug of English Breakfast tea and reading a new book Never Eat Alone (review post pending soon)
• Talking to Ishta on the phone!
• Jake's and my first Christmas "together" (in a relationship)
• In case you are wondering he got me an assortment of little stuff that's totally "me"
• I got him a nice t-shirt and a French-English dictionary for his pending trip to France
• Huge game of Munchkin with three expansion packs 
• Homemade cheesecake à la mama

Somuchlove! Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!!

Transfer Troubles: Resolved

Read my initial dilemma,
And the first Update.

This morning, I awoke to the most glorious email in my inbox:

I have reviewed the syllabi for the courses below and will grant you upper level credit equivalencies for these.  I will ask our evaluators to make the change to your academic record.

They granted my credit appeal!! In addition, my academic advisor informed me last week that the two classes  I took this semester (both upper level) will transfer accordingly. 

What this means is that I will have to take no additional classes for the Spring 2014 semester!! So how many classes am I taking? One. One class to go and I will be finished with my degree! I will be spending three months working on my Capstone project to fulfill my last degree requirements with an expected graduation date of June 2013. 

There is no combination of capital letters and exclamation points that could describe the obscene elation I feel over this latest development. Once again, I am so close and the goal is finally in sight. I just want to cry and hibernate for the rest of the year!

Why I Create

The other day, I had the opportunity to answer the question, 

"If time and money were no object, what would you rather be doing?" 

 I used to think I would hull up in my own art studio and just create art for all my days. But I'm beginning to think a little differently. I want to travel the world and have adventures, then come back to my space and use my new experiences as fodder to create new works of art. I told my mom, "I don't think I would be content to have a singular experience of the world." 

But the dream doesn't stop there. I would not be satisfied to hoard my time and art all to myself.

I want to give it away.

I realized this: I create in order to give. I write knowing that someone else will read my work. I make things for the people I love all the time: poems and notes and little doodles. I have this blog, very much in part, for your enjoyment, as much as it is mine.

And if that doesn't convince you, maybe mail art will. My mail art days are kind of hard to describe... I think back on them as a wondrous, renaissance-time of my life, in which I used an incredible amount of stamps (which I still ask for for Christmas and birthdays) to send works of art through the postal system. If you'd like to see some of my work, I blogged many pictures over at my mail blog.  

Unfortunately, the responsibilities of my education and work have hindered me from making much mail art lately, but it is something I hope to return to later. Here's how it fits into all this though: I wrote letters and created these beautiful works of art, only to send them off into the world for others to enjoy--not keep them to myself. 

Matt Appling in his book Life After Art talked about this beautiful part of being an artist. He says that children create things in order to give to other people. Children, he argues (and forgive me for not having proper page numbers here), are generous with their art; however many children lose that generosity as they "mature." I think I have always been generous with my art, especially mail art, but I want to continue being generous with my creativity and my art, even when I'm old (and have my own art studio?). 

On the way to church I heard a woman on the radio talking about "celebrating the spirit of Christmas year-round." I'll admit, I scoffed a little bit; it's such a cliche thing to say, I thought. What does that even mean? And how can you remember the "Christmas spirit" when it is not at the forefront of your mind. In the states, one cannot ignore Christmas. It surrounds you with commercialized Santas, snow, increased traffic, and carols blaring at the mall. But one phrase I hear a lot around this time of year is: "It is better to give than to receive." Today, I am applying it to a new context--art, and realizing that maybe that lady on the radio was right: the "Christmas spirit" of giving is something that can be embraced every month of the year, not just December. What does that look like? For me, it means making a whole lot more art and giving it away--to family, friends, loved ones, strangers, anyone. What does it look like for you?

Semester's End Stats

Stats:

Semester: OVER!!!

Papers: finished and submitted!!

Brain power: 65%

Days until Christmas: 5

Mood: strangely quiet

Learning: to celebrate the victories even when you don't feel like it

Christmas parties so far: 5

Christmas parties ditched: 1

Presents wrapped today: 10

Percentage bought today: 70%

Looking Forward to: Christmas!!

Well, papers are submitted, the semester is over, and strangely, I didn't feel the same sense of satisfaction that I expected to feel. Somehow I thought I would feel a little more...triumphant. In my head I imagined myself crossing the great finish line with teeth barred in exertion! raining sweat with a flick of my head, but no. It wasn't like that at all. There were no tears, no yelling, no cheerleaders to greet me at the finish line... Alas, the semester is over and I cannot let myself feel too disappointed about this.

This morning, however, the excitement for Christmas hit me full force! No school! Sleeping in! Dad has the day off work! We're watching cartoons on TV like Saturday mornings!! It felt so good! Dad took us Christmas shopping where I finished all my present buying exactly one day before the biggest shopping day of the year. Then I came home and wrapped them all while watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles and drinking coffee and eating popcorn- which may or may not have been the only sustenance I've consumed all day. ;)

Almost Over

days until Jake arrives: 0!!!
days until semester ends: 8
days until Christmas: 12
Christmas shopping: 25%
brain damage: high
brain capacity: 45%
stress level: medium-high
state of my papers: first drafts almost done
listening to: Tonic Sol Fa
drinking: vanilla lattes from Starbucks
looking forward to: Freshmen girls' sleepover TONIGHT!
highlight: this week, the little guy I babysit was showing me a book and he said, "Look Misha! It's fancy!"

Weekly Update:

Well, another week has gone by, and I must confess that I am really not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. I can't put my finger on the exact reason why, but it may have to do with the fact that my semester doesn't officially end until three days before Christmas. It seems like all I am doing these days is working: studying, working for CP, babysitting, chores... I've been reluctant to listen to any Christmas music because I don't want to associate the stress with the music. *Sigh* Honestly, I just want the semester to be over already. One more week.

Buddy the Climbing Cat

Today, while helping Stacey decorate her Christmas tree, I turned around to find Buddy investigating the ladder (which we needed because the tree was so tall). As I watched, he slowly but surely started climbing up the ladder, all the way to the top! Meanwhile, as he was trying to get down, me and Stacey were just standing there video-taping him instead of trying to help him down! Priorities. He did make it down safely, though perhaps not as gracefully as he intended, because he lost his footing and fell off! Poor cat.

Transfer Troubles: Update

A few weeks ago, I mentioned my frustrations with credit transfer in this post. The drama unfolds in this episode, "The Most Recent Developments."

After being rescheduled twice, I finally talked to my academic advisor and the verdict is.... *drumroll*

Nothing.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot I can do about the situation. My advisor said I can try to appeal it by emailing the dean's office, but the way they evaluate credit is based on what the equivalent courses offered at their institution would be. So she is not very optimistic about them granting the appeal. However, I must try, or my spirits will not be at rest. Who knows, maybe they could grant it anyways?

The good news is that I have a little more time than I thought I did to finish any additional classes I might have to take. The official graduation date may be a little later, but I can still attend the commencement ceremony in September 2014 if I finish my coursework by July 2014. Knowing that I have 3 more months than I originally anticipated does make me feel better about the work I have ahead of me. It may take me longer, but at least I can go at a more relaxed pace.

I'm staying positive about this! Tune in next time to hear my (hopefully) happy ending!

Tell Me Your Story: Part 2

See Part 1 Here

I almost retitled this post, "That guy in New York." But I thought I'd keep this post in line with the stories theme I've seen emerging lately. Not just in Part 1, listed above, but also in some of the other things that have been on my mind lately. (Sister Africa's story for example).

A few weeks ago, not long after I posted my tidbit on asking about people's stories,  I saw an interview of a New York photographer on Yahoo. Brandon Stanton runs a photo-blog over at Humans of New York where he posts the images of the people he photographs.

I include this video in this "series" because photos tell stories. I think what Brandon is doing is really neat. After he snaps the photo, he asks them about their life. Some of the quotes he hears are so moving. Check it out if you got a minute.

"Rainy Day Woman #1" by Paulo Carillo used under Creative Commons Attribution-Share-alike-Noncommercial license.

Joyous Stats

outside temperature: 58*
cups of tea: 5
study mode: intense
feeling: energized
days until Jake comes back: 7
days until semester ends: 15
days until Christmas: 19
state of shopping list: 23% done
looking forward to: neighbor's open house tomorrow night
highlight: caught my brother listening to my Of Monsters and Men cd, Christmas shopping with Mom

Weekly Update:

The tree is now up and trimmed, as of Tuesday night!

And this week appears to be dominated by sound. Though we haven't been playing as many Christmas carols as usual (probably because Mom is not home all day) they are getting some air time. Some of our favorites besides the classics are Tonic Sol-Fa and Michael Buble. I've also been listening to a lot of music thanks to suggestions from the freshmen! (They don't know it yet, but it is going to be part of their Christmas present!)

Last night, our family sat around the living room and watched The Sound of Music Live with Carrie Underwood. I am not a fair judge of acting--I'll leave that to the pros (like Jake)--but I must say, Carrie Underwood did not make the most convincing Maria. It also took me a good twenty minutes to realize that it was the stage version, not a re-do of the original movie. Once I got over that, it was okay.  Conceptually though, I think the idea of live theatre on television is a fascinating idea that could open up new doors for theatre to reach a wider audience.

Finally, and this brings me to the title of my post, Jake is performing tonight in SDCC's Christmas Concert, "The Joyous Sounds." My parents recieved a formal invitation in the mail to attend and all the fees for dinner and the concert had been "graciously waived by friends of the college." I was planning to go in their stead, but my parents nixed it for ethical reasons. "But it's a free dinner!" I argued. "No, it is not a 'free' dinner; they are expecting you to donate money to the college. It's a fundraiser!" On second look at my schedule, I couldn't have afforded to attend anyway because I'd lose too much study time, but I was a bit disappointed my parents wouldn't let me take advantage of the opportunity to eat a free dinner and see Jake. Oh well. So instead of seeing Joyous Sounds tonight, I'm writing Joyous Stats, for despite that slight disappointment, I am feeling pretty bubbly in the excitement of the Christmas season.

Sister Africa's Story: Why I Read

Antelope Park, Zimbabwe

I love reunions. They make me cry, but man, I love reunions. There is so much joy and grief and pain all mixed up in a single embrace, as if a flood of all the past emotions away from this person are suddenly released. I've been through several reunions--reunions with family members, with returning service men and women, and of course we cannot forget Jake--more times than not, I cry.

Today, I think I stumbled across one of the most beautiful reunion scenes I have ever read. It was from Zenzele: A Letter for My Daughter by J. Nozipo Maraire, a book I'm reading for my African Literature class. The biography is a running dialogue from a mother to her daughter, consolidating all the stories, wisdom, and traditions Maraire wants her daughter to know in one place as Zenzele prepares to continue her academics in America. It is a beautiful blend of memories, anecdotes, and motherly concern and advice.

Maraire begins chapter seven telling Zenzele about the difficulties she perceived surrounding the black diaspora, until Sister Africa changed her perspective. It is Sister Africa's story that I am most interested in telling here.

Maraire met the African-American (originally named Mary William Smith) through her sister at an underground political meeting."There was something charming, fresh, and open about the girl. And so it happened that despite myself, by the time they reached my corner of the room and [my sister] stepped forth to introduce us, I was genuinely interested in meeting her" (Maraire 95). Maraire soon discovered the exceptional qualities of Sister Africa. She had traveled widely throughout Africa and endeared herself to many there, earning the name Sister Africa.

She'd come to Africa in search of her Nigerian father who left her and her white mother behind when she was young. She followed every clue she could glean of him. He'd apparently become widely known in the underground politics, but no one could divulge his whereabouts. Every time she heard where he might be, she traveled there only to learn he was gone again.

Many years later, Sister Africa had given up hope of ever finding him, but by now it held less sway over her. She had developed her identity as an African now. She didn't really need to find him, but she still admired him for being the great African thinker and revolutionary that everyone knew him to be. In South Africa, she was arrested several times, finally being sent to the Robben Island, a terrorist camp disguised as a disciplinary facility. There she met other revolutionaries and exchanged ideas with them.

One day, they brought in a high-profile revolutionary known all across Africa as Baba Africa (Father Africa). Baba Africa spoke to them on many topics, including a fruit analogy which Sister Africa took especial liking to. On her last day, he spoke to her, "Daughter, how came you to be here?" Awestruck by the fact that this great man whom she admired so much was talking to her, Sister Africa was speechless. "I have heard of your bravery," he encouraged her, "Keep up the struggle for a united, prosperous Africa; it is a dream worth fighting for. Your love of freedom makes you a true daughter of Africa."

Later, she has the following encounter with her friend Keki:
"He asked me about you and I told him you were from America originally. He was very impressed that you had given so much to the struggle."
"Really, Keki, you must have exaggerated greatly for him to take any notice of me."
"Oh, no, Sister Africa. He is fond of Americans. He is a Nigerian, you know, but he went to one of those big, rich famous American universities when he was young. Columbia, I think. Yes, he studied law there. There is a rumor that he was once married to an American woman, or was she Oriental? I cannot remember. He dropped everything for the struggle. They say he has traveled all over the continent" (Maraire 105-106).

My heart dropped like a stone when I fully realized that. Of course, I had known all along: Mariare told me that she eventually met her "old man" (101) and as soon as she mentioned the high-profile prisoner, I began to suspect. But my suspicious did not prepare me for the emotional impact of realizing it. It was so beautiful, I lost my words. All I could think was, "This is why I read literature." There are a multitude of reasons why people read literature--to relax, to be entertained, to escape. But I read literature to experience something beautiful. And when beauty is achieved through words, there is nothing comparable.

"Zimbabwe 27 01042011" by Dave Mulder  used under Creative Commons Attribution-Share-alike-Noncommercial license.Da

Inksanity Reunion

LtoR: Me, Sydney, Sabina, Kristin, and Marie

Things got pretty crazy last week at Inksanity's first reunion! Unfortunately, Nicole was unable to make it, so it was not a full reunion, but Marie was in town for Thanksgiving break! She came back just in time for the end of NaNoWriMo which, of course, meant all night writing and giggles! I could only stay until about 2am, but they were tweeting and word-warring all night long in the final push for 50,000 words.

I did not make it this year, but in light of my course-load, I significantly lowered my expectations for the global month-long write-a-thon. Total, I wrote about 8,000 words on two short stories (one of which may be featuring here this December) and probably another 12-15,000 words on school-related assignments. I have fully come to terms with my "failure," because I realize it is not so much a failure at writing, as it was a failure to recognize my schedule limitations. But it was fun and now I have two short stories that I didn't have before!

Sabina and Marie love pie

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas!

I spent Jake's last evening in town hanging out with the family and helping them decorate their tree! It looks so beautiful!

Jake stealing a smooch!

I was definitely more than a little sad to see Jake go, but he will be back in a couple weeks, after finals. In the meantime, I have a LOT of work to do between catching up on family time, working, and studying. Thankfully, I don't have finals, but I do have to write three fat papers! Carols are blaring, our tree is up, and lights are on the house. We haven't put up the ornaments yet, but they will be making an appearance very soon!

In the Black: Stats

hours spent with Jake: approx 35
pictures taken: 0
hours spent in lines: 0
food consumed: a lot
thankful for: laughter
reading: Ake: The Years of My Childhood by Wole Soyinka
brain power: 78%
NaNoWriMo: failed
learning: Psalm 19
looking forward to: listening to Christmas carols
not looking forward to: Jake leaving
highlight of the week: sharing highlights on Thanksgiving

Weekly Update:

Melissa and I usually have a tradition of Black Friday Shopping at Target (and truthfully, I do enjoy the whole "Black Friday experience") but we decided to skip it this year because neither of us had anything particularly pressing to purchase. 

Of course, I've been enjoying my time with Jake this week. Even when we've run out of things to "catch up" on, we still manage to find things to talk about. Most of our week has been spent talking, playing music, taking walks, and working on homework. It's not a bad life. I've been trying to relax, even though the homework due this weekend makes it hard. The time is passing me by too quickly. The end of the semester (and the three conference papers I have due then) will be here before I know it and I find more and more I am not ready for it. 

Tonight, I'm hanging out with the Inksanity crew for the final NaNoWriMo push before tomorrow night. I kind of failed at NaNoWriMo this year. I knew I wouldn't reach 50,000 words, but even the small goal I set for myself was too much. Oh well. Better luck next year. I've pretty much given up at this point (or to put it nicely, "realized my limitations") but tonight, I have a couple short stories to work on, so I can hang out with my friends.

Thanksgiving in Review

Some Thanksgivings, I can remember very vividly. For instance, there was the one year when the Coffins hosted and Lynsey fought Miss Jessica for the last piece of praline torte by licking the top of it. Or two years ago, when Jake was going through chemotherapy and he stole mashed potatoes off my plate; I didn't have the heart to protest because we were trying to fatten him up in preparation for chemo treatment. Or last year, when Jake regaled us with stories of "Humans vs. Zombies" on his college campus. All of my memories involve beautiful weather, playing football in the front yard, and of course, lots of food.

For some reason, this year was different. This year didn't feel like Thanksgiving, and I'm not sure why.

First thing in the morning, our family (minus Cam) walked a few laps around the park. It's one of our traditions to go for a walk before or after dinner on Thanksgiving. Pat was such a trooper! Dad even jogged with him a bit and he walked further than he has in a while!

Dad and Pat

This was by far the smoothest Thanksgiving we've had. Mom divvy-ed up the dishes so we only had to make a third of the meal and the rest was potluck style. Two turkeys, two sweet potato casseroles, one salad, and three stuffings later, we had a full-on feast on our hands!

After dinner, we took the whole crew back to the park for a little Thanksgiving football. I am proud to say I made the first touchdown! Our team won 21 to 7.

So thankful for my man!

I think it was the differences that made it not feel like Thanksgiving for me. We ate at 2pm, a few hours earlier than usual, played football at the park instead of the street, brined the turkey before roasting it. We totally forgot to go around the table saying what we were thankful for (though I'd been asking people all day)... Just little things like that. I guess at the end of the day, they added up. 

But after everyone left, Jake stayed and we were able to relax and detox a bit. Jake, Dad, and I sat on the back porch talking and playing guitar for a while. Or we were all sitting on the couch while Mom and Dad sifted through Black Friday ads. Jake and I went for a nice walk and talked about a whole bunch of different things. All things considered, it was a great day, just not exactly the feeling I expected.

Post-Thanksgiving sandwich

Jake's Musical: Act II

What is this you ask? These tiny squares lined up on a small table at Starbucks represent the entirety of Act II of Jake's musical. We sat down and planned it out together this week. Jake's been working on this project for a little over a year now. He finished Act II back in September and I helped him plot out the scenes for Act II. I think he had a good idea of what he wanted/needed to happen, but just not the details to get from point A to point B.

The musical is tentatively called, "Being Jack McGarvey" and it is about a boy who is simply misunderstood--a prodigy, an artist, a creative genius, but nobody gets him. Jack strives to make his dreams come true, in spite of oppression on every side. Conceptually, it is similar to Calvin and Hobbes, but with an angel instead.

I am so proud of all the work Jake's put into the project and very excited that I get to be part of the process of its creation. Through this little exercise, I learned that I gain a lot of energy from the brainstorming process. Something about coming up with ideas makes me feel energized and enthusiastic! Jake is hoping to finish the musical over Christmas break, after which, it will go under a workshop review at his college.

Autumn at a Glance

As autumn comes swiftly to a close, I decided to give you a pictorial representation of these last few months.

This Autumn's Highlights:

• Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks
• Taking the Freshman girls up to Mt. Lemmon
• Finding a gigantic watermelon at Sunflower
• Sewing Simba blocks for a massive quilt project
• Jake's surprise visit!
• The creation of Inksanity
• Voting for the first time

Transfer Trouble: Stats

days until Jake arrives: 4
brain capacity: 60%
tiredness level: high
mood: overwhelmingly discouraged
good news: Christmas is coming!
bad news: two of my 300/400 level credits transferred at the 200 level, messing up my degree template plans.
learning: to count my blessings
highlight: started my Christmas shopping!

Weekly Update:

It's been kind of a tough week. I found out this week that two 300/400 level classes from BYU transferred into to TESC at the 200 level, thus messing up my degree template (which requires 18 credits in my area of study at the 300/400 level). I had just enough credits before, but now I am short. In addition, two of the classes I'm taking right now are also through BYU and I am worried those won't transfer at the 300 level either. All this means that I could possibly need to take 1-3 additional classes next semester if I can't get it sorted out.

When I realized this, I wanted to cry.

I have been working so so hard on this degree, I am reaching the end of my strength. "I just want to be DONE! I'm tired!" My friends and family keep telling me, "You're almost there." but it's so difficult! I'm so close, and yet I'm still a little further away. Next week, I have an appointment with my advisor to find out what I can do. At this point, I think I can appeal the evaluation and try to prove the classes are worth being at the 300/400 level. Until I talk to my advisor though, I just have to keep plugging away as there's not much else I can do.

I guess on the bright side, one of the A-s I received transferred as an A, so I still have a shot at 4.0 gpa (but that also means continuing at the same pace and standard of excellence that I have all along--an exhausting endeavor). I just hate feeling so discouraged with the holidays around the corner.

Life After Art

I recently finished Matt Appling's Life After Art: What You Forgot about Faith after You Left the Art Room. It brought back so much nostalgia for me from my elementary school days! Ever since kindergarten, I loved art; it was always my favorite time of the week. Appling repaints these elementary school memories to illustrate his points about what we've forgotten about art and faith since leaving school.

Appling argues that all children are artists, we are all naturally born to create because we are made in God's image and God is a creator. The challenge however, is to remain an artist as you become an adult. He paints a picture of the epidemic of lost creativity that pervades society and a world without beauty. We live our lives with a "good enough" mentality, forsaking excellence and embracing low standards. We limit ourselves and fear failure. But when we overcome these things, we can "remember" the lessons we forgot after we left the art room and embrace our role as creators of beauty wherever we're at in our lives.

Final Thoughts: 

I really enjoyed the book, but I felt that it was not written for me; it was written for a very specific audience--adults who don't necessarily consider themselves "artistic" or "creative" and have experienced what it is like to be in an art room or art class. I think those who have never been in an art class/room (home-schoolers primarily) would have more trouble relating to the imagery Appling draws from to illustrate his points. The creative types (like myself) who pick up the book for its title may find that they already know and practice what Appling has to say about the significance of creativity in our lives and how it relates to our faith in God. 

Artists can definitely appreciate Appling's perspective on art, beauty, and faith in this world, but for us creatives, he's very much "preaching to the choir." But I'd recommend it to other Christians who want to gain a better understanding of the role of creativity in our lives.

Image Credit: Photo by LexnGer used under a Creative Commens attribution-noncommercial license.

Tell Me Your Story: Part 1

[T]here are surprisingly few occasions--or rituals--in which people are

expected or invited to tell the story of their lives from whatever they think the

beginning is: or to tell the even odder story that is their dream. (`The Telling of

Selves' Phillips On Flirtation 1994:75)

If there's one thing you should know about me, I love stories. So when I came across this quote in my African literature class, I was captivated. Ever since I read this, I have wanted to change it. Ever since I read this, I have been dying to ask someone, What is your story? What is it that made you the person you are today? Who are you and why are you here? What is your purpose? What do you wish you were doing? These questions roll and toss around inside my head, but I haven't given them voice, yet.

I want to be the kind of person that gives you space to tell your own story. I want to provide an exception to this quote. Part of this is my love for stories, the other part stems from my personality: I have a strong desire to overcome obstacles and constraints. Don't tell me something is impossible, because I will try to prove you wrong. There is something invigorating for me about struggling for something and achieving it, making the reward that much sweeter. This quote is just a constraint for me to break. There are few occasions for people to tell their stories? Then I will give them occasions. I will give them chances. I will give them spaces to be heard.

Last week, Jake and I talked about something similar to this. We were talking about life when he said, "I think the first episode of my life ended when I was diagnosed with cancer." Then he asked me how I would divide up the episodes of my life. The question caught me off guard, but I enjoyed answering it. I found that the first episode of my life ended when we moved away from Santa Rosa. I loved seeing how we split up lives differently. Though we've grown up together, we don't see ourselves the same way and I love that diversity!

I was telling him about how compelled I was by this question, "but I haven't asked anyone yet." I've been tempted; I've thought about it. But the words just haven't come out yet. So we turned it into a game: first person to ask someone else what their story is wins "a prize" (which will probably be merely mild gloating rights. It's not the prize that makes it fun; it's knowing that someone else is doing it too.). Jake was all, "I'm going to ask someone tomorrow... No, I'm going to ask someone right after I get off the phone!" "Whoa whoa, that's not fair!" I protested, "I'm going to sleep after this!" (Secretly, I also think it's not fair that he has such a large pool of people to pull from being at college, while I study locked up in my room all day!)

I get the feeling that this will become much more than just a game and it won't end with one story r two stories. (Hence the "Part 1" in the title of this post!) I see us collecting a multitude of stories like little puzzle pieces--fragments of a larger story that is begging to be told.

Back from the Mountain

A 15-passenger van packed with estrogen and chocolate parrallels the undulating yellow line up the mountain as we head up to the cabin Friday afternoon. Ahead of us, the suburban filled with our gear is forced to run over a prostrate construction cone. Except the cone never comes out the other side! Instead, the suburban drags the trapped construction cone halfway up the mountain! Several miles later when it finally flew out from underneath the suburban, Katie swerved to the side of the road, parked the van, and rescued the cone! Every time we passed construction workers after that, she yelled to the back, "Hide the cone!" We brought the cone all the way up and back down the mountain to keep as a memento for the trip.

Before dinner, 15 girls and 5 staffers gather around the table to say grace. Caroline leads us in the doxology

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,

Praise Him all creatures here below,

Praise God above ye heavenly hosts,

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Everyone gets it the second time around. For two minutes, the cabin is filled with what sounds like a chorus of angels. Have I just glimpsed heaven on earth? I don't know, but I wish it would keep going.

Ten minutes before teaching time, I meet upstairs with Katie to pray and go over my notes. My stomach churns with nervousness, but as soon as I start speaking, the feeling melts into the natural rhythm of speaking stories, truth, and Scripture.

How many people does it take to make the DVD player work? 6 and the owner on speakerphone. (One person for each of the remotes!) But playing Disney Scene It was worth the twenty minutes of trouble.

In the basement with the Freshmen, we play cards before bed--B.S., Kemps, and Bartog. During Kemps, while the other pairs are at opposite ends of the room, Raquel and I lean forward to whisper what our secret sign is. "No, come closer," I whisper. She leans forward. "I DON'T MAKE DEALS WITH PEASANTS!" I laugh to myself, but she doesn't get the Emperor's New Groove reference. I make a mental note to bring the movie to our Freshmen sleepover.

I sit in a sketch diner late at night watching the girls file one by one out the door. It's over. I am filled with an overwhelming burden. "It's over." Echoes again and again in my head. "We didn't do enough. We could have done so much more..." 
"Misha, it's 7:15." Mikayla gently wakes me up. For a single, disorienting moment, I cannot recall where I am. It hits me! It's morning! The retreat is not over! We still have 8 hours left!

I read Psalm 16 before the other freshmen wake up:

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

I keep my eyes always on the Lord.

With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

my body also will rest secure,

because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,

nor will you let your faithful one see decay.

You make known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

I pray for the same kind of delight that the psalmist takes in the Lord. It occurs to me that I could memorize this passage, but for some reason, I don't.

"Misha, I have to be somewhere in twenty minutes and I haven't showered in three days!" Katie frantically tells me as teaching session 2 begins. The girls start whispering, "What?" "Where does she have to go?" Katie says she has an idea that will solve the problem though. She pulls out some snazzy mardigras beads and layers them on. She pulls out a hat and sunglasses. "If I just distract them, they won't notice it!" "Well, what about the smell?" I ask. "Good point!" She pulls out some perfume and sprays it all over. "It'll be great!" She says smiling and she goes and sits down. We explain to the girls that when it comes to emotions, you can't just cover them up with more stuff; you need to address the root cause of them to find healing. For an hour, words fly out of my mouth. Sometimes I don't know where they come from, but I know what I am supposed to say. I close with this story:

Next spring, I am graduating from college and surrounding this event, there is a lot of fear for me. Especially the question, "What am I going to do?" I have studied the last fourteen years of my life! What will I do when I have nothing to study anymore? I felt a sense of aimlessness and purposelessness that stemmed from this fear, because I didn't know what I would do after school. As I was praying about it, I realized I found too much of my identity/purpose in my education and I didn't actually believe that God had a plan for me after my education. By focusing on one aspect of my life, I ignored a whole realm of possibilities that God had in mind for my future. One I realized what I believed about myself and God's plan for my life, I could replace it with the truth found in Scripture: 1) My identity is in Christ (not in my academics, or my performance, or anything I do) and 2) God does have a plan for my life; I just need to trust Him when I get there. And in doing this, I was able to release that fear. 

(In case you haven't noticed by now, this is my personal application of the REED acronym I introduced here.) I can feel my heart racing and the color rising in my cheeks, passions astir in my chest. When I am finished, I sit down and take a breather, exhausted but satisfied. All of a sudden, I am not in the mood for talking, so I just listen to the chatter of the other girls.

My wishes for warmer clothes diminish as we step into the warmth of the cookie cabin. The bubble of our voices fill the cramped space with laughter. The freshmen decide to go in on a pizza together. I grab some tea and listen to them chat back and forth, telling their stories and laughing. The room is warm and we shed our jackets for the time being, but when it's time to leave, we bundle up again and head back up the hill to leave for Tucson.

After arrival and unloading, Colleen approaches me, "Misha, you did a really great job this weekend." she says. She tells me that I looked so natural up in front of the girls, "I really think you have a niche in teaching." I smile, a warm satisfied feeling growing in my stomach. I did it! A niggling thought occurs to me, "Maybe teaching is one of my spiritual gifts..." Definitely something to pray about.

Cartwheels and Stats

cumulative word count: 12,000+
days until I see Jake: 10!
hours spent on the phone with Jake: 8 hr 36 min (that's kind of embarrassing)
tough Days this week: 3
feeling: exhausted
brain capacity: 65%
reading: "The Yellow Woman" by Leslie Marmon Silko
writing: Feminist criticism on TYW and Sigmund Freud
learning: that I can do a cartwheel!
nervous about: teaching this weekend
highlight: decaf coffee from Starbucks


Weekly Update:

This weekend is CCC's girl's retreat! Any moment now, we will be heading up the mountain for a day and a half of food, fun, and precious precious girl time! The thing I am most excited and most nervous about is--I will be teaching during the devotion time!! Our theme is "Controlling Emotions" and I typed up my notes this week with pretty pink fonts and everything. It's kind of amazing: I was never a girly-girl when I was younger; now I really like the dresses and frills and nail polish and pink/purple combinations! I am hoping to post a recap of the retreat later this weekend.

On Wednesday, I learned that I know how to do a cartwheel! This may not seem like huge news, but really, it is. For the longest time, I was convinced I couldn't do it (probably because the last time I tried, I made a complete fool of myself). But Wednesday, Katie was practicing and she said, "You do it, Misha!" So, I tried and I didn't feel like I did that well, so I just stopped. Later after Katie made valiant attempt after attempt, I said, "Notice how I haven't done it since the first time?" And she said, "Yeah, but you did it right the first time!"

"I did?"

In that moment a whole dawn of unrealized childhood dreams illuminated my face with angelic brightness, "I did!" So I tried another cartwheel. I swear, it is like magic. And addiction. Addicting magic! I feel like I have some kind of super-power now and this weekend you can be assured that I will be shouting from the Mountaintop, "I CAN DO A CARTWHEEL!"