Language Goals: Mini-Modules

I'll confess that after I finished writing my French love letters for Jake I slowed down a bit on the French practice. Okay, I slowed down a lot. All of a sudden I had no tangible goal to reach for. The letters gave me a reason to keep practicing and learning new words and sentence structures. But oncee that goal was accomplished, what was I supposed to do next?

I tried setting goals like, "have actual conversations with French people" or "watch/understand a movie in French sans English subtitles" but these seemed so distant from my current level. Then I read a few articles online and between this super cool article about realistic language goals and this article about language learning frustration I was able to refine some of my own goals for both the long-term and the short-term.

Battling the Blues

Stats:

miles driven: 126
highest temperature: 104 degrees F
early mornings: 6
days Jake's been gone: 10
days until Jake comes back: 7
pages written (to Jake): 30
mood: a little melancholy
learning: to be more present
highlights: ColorVibe, dinner with Jake's parents, breakfast at LeBuzz with Melissa,
Mom and Dad coming home

Weekly Update:

This week was tough. The beginning of the week seemed to inch by excruciatingly slowly. And I ran out of yardwork and housework to do. All I can think about is Jake in France. My heart exists somewhere between here and there, fluttering between time zones and always counting the 9 hour difference. But Mom and Dad are home again and we are hurtling toward the weekend and subsequently toward Jake's return next weekend. Some days I feel like a ghost, wandering around this town, but not really here. Still, I am trying my best to be present and focus on the moment I am in whether it's having a good heart-to-heart talk in a coffee shop or sitting at my desk and queuing up posts for this blog or even just enjoying a good meal. It's easier when I'm with people, but I must admit, I am struggling. 

Summer Goals

My Goals for Summer:

- reread Cultivate by Dr. Jeff Myers

- French: 10 topical lists

- Edit Gyver's Shack with Jake

- Finish Eiffel Tower Quilt

- Get a second job

- Road trip to Durango (Aug.)

As the temperature rockets into the 100s, summer is fast approaching (except for today it is overcast and muggy.) and that means it is time to draft up more goals for the next three months!! I've found that so much of my time is completely wasted when I don't have goals to keep me working toward something. I hate reaching the end of the semester or the summer or the year and realizing that I don't have much to show for it. So here are just a few of my goals for Summer 2014!

Emotionally Compromised

A couple months ago, Mom, Cameron and I were all sitting on the couch, absorbed in our own little worlds when I announced, "I'm foreshadowing!!" with a devious little laugh. My mom asks me what exactly is being foreshadowed.

In a fit of giggles, I explain. I'd sent Jake a letter earlier that week, and I wasn't going to tell him about it so it was a surprise in his mailbox. Like, "Oh look! Misha sent me a letter!" But he was having a bad day and he told me, "I could probably use some of those cookies you made." So I replied, "Well, I can't teleport my cookies to you, but would a letter do? It should be there tomorrow or friday." And he replied (of course) saying I was "so so so sweet!" ^-^ But I was still in the middle of the foreshadowing part saying, "I wanted to keep it a secret, but I'm so bad at keeping these things a secret!"

The funny part? Spending the last seven months learning French so I could write a series of letters for him in French and keeping the whole thing....a secret!!! Admittedly, I almost gave the secret away on more than one occasion. I thought this whole scenario was so funny, I started laughing so hard I was crying. "It's the best thing ever!" I squeaked.

Next thing I knew, I was sobbing my guts out for no reason! (#girlproblems) How does this happen? Why does this happen? Honestly, I don't know. And this is not the first time either. Similar instances have also occurred while on the phone with Jake, at the close of Gyver's Shack, and right before Jake left for Spain.

Cameron was like, "I can't even tell if you're laughing or crying!"
Me: #both!
I honestly think he didn't know what to do with the situation except try to diffuse it with lackluster humor. "Stop looking at me!" I told him as I rubbed my eyes. (#regrettingthatmascara) Can you say emotionally compromised? It's true; learning a new language has been a highly emotional journey, if only for the reasons (and the person!) behind it!

Color Vibe Tucson

After the Foam Glow 5K in Phoenix, I found out there was a Color 5K happening in Tucson less than two weeks later! I wasn't sure if I'd be up to running another 5K so soon afterward, but I decided to volunteer for it instead, so I could still partake in the fun! I was at the pink station so I got to throw fistfuls of hot pink powdered awesomeness on participants as they ran (or walked) past! (There is a picture of our team somewhere on the interwebs, but I can't find it.) We had some pop music blaring and the energy was Ramped Up. 

Afterward, there was a huge dance party with gigantic rainbow beach balls, clouds of colored powder, and of course some epic beats. For the time that I joined in, the DJ coordinated a Harlem Shake, crowd surfing, and several additional blasts of color!! It was soooo fun!! I loved every minute of it! And it's definitely on my list of things to do again.

See you next year, Color Vibe!!

Giving Up Does Not Equal Failure

This week in photos:

I'll confess, I pretty much gave up on the photo challenge after Day 6. Truthfully, I wasn't feeling very inspired by some of the prompts for this particular challenge, but I haven't given up on taking photos! And in that regard, I'd say it was a smashing success! Because the whole point of the challenge is to take more pictures and become more proficient with the camera!

What I like the most about it is being able to use my own photos on these posts--my own beautiful photos not taken with a crappy dumb-phone, without borrowing from other people. I don't mind using other people's photos, especially since I learned how to properly credit them (many thanks to my work, CollegePlus I have learned all about copyrights, and I think that's really cool!). But it's not the same as using my own work. And if I can use my own work, I'd prefer to. (Though this does not mean the end of using other people's photos, by no means!) 

Project: Yard Work

While Mom and Dad are away, I haven't had much to do, but I didn't want to go back to bed after feeding Pat in the mornings. So I used the valuable (and cool) time to work in the yard....

building a flower bed! Out of cinder blocks!!

I forgot to take a true "before" picture, but this is what it looked like before I started work on day 2:

After a little more weeding...

It was time to lay down my cinder blocks! As you can see, I was short some blocks, but that's okay! I'll get more after my parents get home.

I haven't decided what to plant in it yet and for the moment, I think it's too hot for any plants to survive (or it will be too hot very soon) but towards the end of summer, maybe even in the fall, maybe we'll plant some veggies or flowers. I'd also like to put some herbs in all the little holes. We'll see what Mom and Dad say when they come back. 

The Noise

This is the Life

Stats:

times cried: 2
close calls: 3
cups of coffee: 4
time difference between here and France: 9 hours
days until Jake comes back: 14
days until the 'rents come back: 5
feeling: industrious
listening to: "Hopeless Rom-Antics Super Shuffle"(mix) and Nickel Creek
reading: Under the Overpass by Mike Yankoski
learning: to adapt when the plan falls through (flexibility)
highlights: iMessage works internationally(!!!), watching the light change, extreme productivity, meeting up with my mentor, warm coffee and a cozy spot on the couch outside Starbucks.

Weekly Update:

As I'm sure you can imagine, this week has been up and down. But after the emotional rollercoaster of Jake's departure for France and the circumstances surrounding it, I've settled into a rhythm of life. Wake up at 6. Feed Pat. Shoot Pat (insulin shot). Work in the yard while listening to music that reminds me of Jake. Eat Breakfast. Shower. Work. Clean. Sit on the back porch and watch the light change. Take pictures. Ask Siri what time it is in France. Scroll through the newsfeed on Facebook. Make dinner. Watch Movies. Write Jake another letter at the end of the day. Go to Sleep. And repeat. It's not a bad lifestyle, actually--minus Jake's absence of course. I've been feeling super productive between cleaning every flat surface in the kitchen and baking scones and hard labor in the yard (pictures coming soon) in the early mornings. I'm turning into a regular housewife! It's scaring me! The productivity helps a lot though and I find that while I miss Jake a lot, it's not a gnawing ache in my heart (or at least not as much as it could be).

Honestly, the part I'm having the most trouble with is the silence. All this silence is making me realize how much noise there is in my life--not just physical sound, but just mental...noise. Too many things clambering for my attention. Too many thoughts rolling through my head. And I still reach for my tunes. (Bluegrasss is playing in the background right now!) Jake and I talked about that recently--being surrounded with so much noise that you can't hear God. And I thought to myself, I don't really struggle with that, because I don't mind the silence. I don't mind being still, sitting on the back porch with my iced tea and just listening--a thoughtful kind of idleness. But the past two days... noise is all I crave. I love the quiet; I hate the quiet. I love the noise; I hate the noise. It takes all my willpower to turn off the music. 

We're getting along, but I will be glad when life returns to some form of normalcy, or when Jake gets back. Whichever happens first.

Throwback Thursday

The other night my mom handed me one of those hefty kodak envelopes with a stack of pictures from my early soccer days (circa 2003)! This gem was one of the few close-up shots (all the rest were long shots of barely recognizable kids running up and down the field) and my favorite out of all of them!

Circumstances...

Sometimes circumstances aren't what you want them to be. Sometimes your boyfriend leaves the country a day earlier than you thought he was. Sometimes a distant uncle passes away and your parents have to leave suddenly for a week. Or sometimes you spend seven months learning a language to write 16 love letters that will only get left behind.

Words cannot describe the depth of melancholy-ness I am experiencing this week.

The Calm Before the Storm

Ashen clouds tainted with smoke

Stretch across a pale sky

Like cats on Sunday afternoons.

A plastic bag dangles,

Snagged on a stray branch,

And rustling against sun-soaked leaves.

As the horizon swallows the sun,

Our house is bathed in blue shadows and silence;

Even the wind chimes are still.

But the grief-song of the doves

Remains.

Why are they crying?

For lost loves.

Nature knows

There will be rain tonight.

Misha Tyler, 2014

Foam Glow 5K

I finished my first 5K this weekend!! It wasn't what I expected, but still an awesome experience!!

When we arrived, everyone was wearing all sorts of crazy clothes-- tutus and knee high socks and crazy glasses and glow sticks and faux hawk headbands... Pop music with too much bass and not enough treble blared through speakers as the crowd got pumped up for the race. Every ten minutes or so, they launched cannons of sudsy, shirt-staining neon foam on partipants.

For the "biggest black light event across the country" I kind of expected.... more black lights, or at least a lit course. As it was, with 8,000 people present, my dad described it as, "like running through Walmart on Black Friday...in the dark!" This part was a little unfortunate and Miss J was a little miffed.

More disappointing for me however was that even with our eight weeks of training I wasn't able to run the whole thing. This was probably due to a number of factors--feeling sick and still dealing with a nasty cough being the main one. I also have been chained to the house this whole last week so I couldn't run the last few days of our training. In addition, I think my initial pace was too ambitious, so I quickly got a side ache that forced me to walk.

All excuses aside, I ran as much as I could!! I finished the race and I was able to run for the last long stretch! I still cried, partly from disappointment and partly because my chest hurt so muh from trying to suppress my cough while running.

But the ice cream afterward was totally worth the effort. And now I have to sign up for another one so I can run the whole thing. Only this time, hopefully I won't be getting sick the week before!

Sick Days: 5 1/2

Stats:

sick days: 5 1/2
extra hours slept: 10 (ish)
letters received: 2
letters sent: 6
pages read: 203
reading: Snow Falling on Cedars by David Guterson
feeling: sick, but otherwise cheerful
looking forward to: 5K on Saturday!!!
highlights: writing letters while listening to Bluegrass, joined the iPhone club, laying in bed


Weekly Update:

Two major things to note this week:
1. first bout of sickness in over a year (last one was Jan 2013) headaches from dehydration (gone now that I've been sucking down fluids all week), sore throat from the air quality (also improved with fluids), and a hacking smoker's cough (which seems to be getting worse). I slept off and on all day on Monday but since then I've had energy to do other things like working, reading, writing letters at my desk, and making my own soup.

2. I am now a proud owner of an iPhone 5c! It's.... fancy, shiny, all-around nice. It's definitely different from the old phone, but not much different from the iPad (which I already have) except I can call people from it, hold it above my face without fear of looking like a pug if I drop it, and fit it in my (back) pocket. (I tried the front pocket but it looked ridiculous, so back pocket it is!) Still open for name suggestions. Gender not yet specified.

Names already taken:
Harry (Laptop)
Bernard (Computer)
Prince Fred (Typewriter)
Manuel/Manny (Mandolin)

Some Soccer Stats

Stats:

final score from last game: 3-3 (tie)
goals by me: 0
assists: 1!
new best time (running): 20 minutes
photos taken: 82
projects planned: 3
time spent outside: a lot.
mood: encouraged!
learning: to stop wallowing in self-inflicted depression


Weekly Update:

I think the theme of this week has definitely been encouragement. As I started talking to people about finishing school, the word "depressed" creeped into my vocabulary, but I think just using that word was making me feel more depressed than I actually had license to be because everyone I talked to was sooo encouraging about the next steps moving forward and how daunting the future can be. This week, I felt really affirmed in my character as a person through Bethany's gift and the blessings we bestowed on one another on the last night of youth group. Others, like Jake and Josh and Miss Colleen and my coworkers encouraged me not to feel down about the future. I'm trying to stay engaged and involved in life, participating in the things that excite me and make me happy (like soccer!), connecting with people, and pursuing personal growth. Some days are definitely harder than others. Sometimes, I feel so...bored. But I am trying to embrace this time of rest for what it is before life returns once more to a constant state of busyness.

Feeling So Blessed

Today, I think I received one of the most thoughtful gifts anyone has ever given me. (If not number one, it's definitely in the top ten!) A great big sketchbook arrived in the mail today from my friend Bethany, a long running friend of mine who used to live here before she moved away. I thought to myself, "Cool a new sketchbook!" with a twinge of guilt for all the other unused sketchbooks and notebooks I own. But when I opened it, I realized the sketchbook was already full! 

It was a "Life" book, brimming with miscellaneous fliers, to-do lists, scraps of poetry and sermon notes and class notes and chicken scratchings and letters and doodles and original Starbucks recipes.

 I was so blessed reading through it this morning! What a beautiful, transparent, funny, interesting snapshot of life! I was humbled, encouraged, cheered up, and inspired that this special notebook had been in the works for me for several months (Since September!). Bethany had told me about her project awhile back, but I never expected that I would be the recipient of such a gift!

For sure, the highlight of the week! And now I feel inspired to start my own "life" book to bestow upon another. Just don't mind me while I sit over here and sigh nostalgically all day, dreaming up thoughts and ideas and feeling oh so very blessed by the friends God has put in my life.

This Week in Photos

Not all of these photos are for the May Photo Challenge, partly because I got behind and partly because other things besides photo-challenges actually happen. Weird, right?

 Day 1: Chives

 Day 2: Sky, and little brother's first high school dance

 Dad took me out in the backyard for a lesson in night photography after our run. We don't have the right lens for it, but some of our pictures still turned out pretty good.

 Day 3: An Animal.
Believe it or not, there is a rabbit in this picture if you look at the center. It is running away from me. Almost all of my rabbit-hunting pictures look like this, some blurrier.

Day 4: Fruit. Blended in a cup after a Sunday morning run.

Day 5: Time. This is the whimsical clock that Grandma Ingrid gave us. It doesn't work anymore, but we've become quite fond of it.

 Day 7: Books


I missed day 6 (family) but as you can see, I have definitely been flexing my photography muscles and loving it every step of the way! More to come!

So Much Class

 Cameron went to his first high school dance this weekend! It was even on the fancy side of town so we rented a suit from a local costume shop. And boy did he look classy! I can hardly stand it!

And he could hardly stand my constant click-click-clicking of the camera! "You'll thank me later." I reminded him as I made him give me a nice smile. It could've been Dad's fancy camera, but I think the quality of my photography is improving!

In case you are wondering, Cameron had an epic time dancing the night away. He didn't even get home until midnight! And yes, he danced with girls! That's my brother! Classy as British man with a jar of Nutella.

10 Years Later...

I never considered myself much of an athlete. Rewind a little bit to 6th grade where all the preppy girls wore their white volleyball t-shirts with little tails in the back made with pony-tail holders because they thought it made them look skinnier. I could run pretty fast, but with the 20 minute commute to school I wasn't allowed to participate in most extracurriculars. My parents made that mistake once and weren't going to make it again.

I played soccer for one season in third grade. And I loved it. Even the time when we played in the mud right after the rain, or the time we had to play so early in the morning (on a Saturday, much to my parents' dismay) that our legs were frozen stiff. There was something about the sport that just got me fired up.

Sports were even less attractive to our family once we started homeschooling--not because of any commute (by this time, I felt like my parents were willing to make more of these types of sacrifices since Mom was no longer working) but because of the hoops we had to jump through in order to participate on school teams. But I got my "fix" on Fridays at home school P.E. Soccer, of course, was always my favorite. But, as time went on, the boys got faster than me, and I started to pursue other interests, like art. Eventually, I like most of the older high school students, dropped out of P.E.

By the time I actually considered playing soccer (either on a school team, or with a club) it was my Junior year of high school and two things held me back.
1. If I played on a school team, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up with girls who had been playing all their lives. What good would my piddly little single season of soccer in elementary school do for me? Nothing.
2. My schedule could not handle the amount of time required for practices and games, due to my recent enrollment in CollegePlus and the addition of college-level work to my studies.

So, soccer sat on the shelf for a little while. But now... Now that school is over, I finally have more time to be more active and pursue soccer again. So that's why I started training for the 5K and playing soccer on Thursdays through Meetups. And guess what! I really really love it! A girl from Meetups invited me to play on her indoor team and last weekend I had my first soccer practice in ten years!! Today is the first game! I am so excited! It's been so fun buying new soccer gear and practicing in the backyard when it's cool enough.
I never considered myself an athlete, but maybe I'm turning into one after all...

The Numbers of Normal Life

Stats:

movies watched: 4
coffees: 3
longest time (running): 10 minutes
high-fives given on the track: 20
mood: apathetic
learning: how to stay busy
highlights: soccer! (first practice, and getting some shoes, shin guards etc.)


Weekly Update:

Not much to report from my End of the Journey post; much of the same emotions still linger. I'm finding it difficult to return to "normal life" (what is normal life anyways?) and enjoy or even motivate myself to do my old hobbies. I'm staying busy as best as I can. I felt really encouraged after talking with Miss Colleen at core groups on Wednesday night, and Maike reached out in an empathetic email. And of course, talking to Jake when our schedules allow always cheers me up. I appreciate the kind words of everyone I've talked to so far; it's soothing for the soul.

The End of a Journey

To be honest, I expected to feel victorious when I finished taking my last exam this week. In my head, I expected it to feel like crossing the finish line of a marathon, collapsing on the ground with joy and tears and the overwhelming sense of accomplishment that you did it. I didn't know if I would laugh or cry (or both), but I expected more than anything to feel a deep sense of triumph, walking out of that testing center, driving home, celebrating the rest of the evening afterward...

If anything, I felt relief. Relief that the essay prompts were easy. Relief knowing that countless people were praying for me. Relief that I wouldn't have to do any more studying. But it was short-lived.

Because then, I felt depressed.

There was triumph, yes. A burden had lifted, yes. But at the same time, it didn't feel real. Perhaps because it was just an ordinary Tuesday. There were still errands to run and chores to be done and so on and so forth. The world, like usual, did not stop for me and my victory. I wanted to laugh and I wanted to cry. I wanted to go out, but I wanted to stay home. I wanted to hang out with a bunch of people but I wanted to be alone. I wanted to celebrate, but I didn't know how. There was nothing that appealed to my senses.

I don't know why exactly I felt depressed, but I learned that it's not uncommon to feel this way. For in the victory, there is also a loss; and in reaching the destination, a journey has ended. Here, my academic journey gently winds to a close and while I celebrate my achievements, and can finally shirk the burden of stress I've carried throughout college, at the same time I also mourn the loss of what I've devoted my entire life to for the past 15 years. The transition is much more difficult than I anticipated, but I remain hopeful that something better awaits.

Day 1: Chives

Dear Chives,

You are so beautiful.

Love,

Misha

I know I said I wasn't going to post pictures every day, and that's exactly what I intended! But this morning's photos came out so nicely that I couldn't resist posting them today!

The prompt for today was "flower" and I'd originally meant to photograph some stunning cacti flowers I saw down the street a day or so ago, but when I went out this morning, they were all closed up and droopy! I've learned my lesson and next time I see something like that catches my attention like that, I will photograph it right then instead of waiting.

Nonetheless, I'm pleased with my "backup choice" of Mama's chives. I've been admiring them for awhile because they remind me so much of dandelions (or Truffala trees), but never stopped to take their picture until now.