Succulents

Succulents

I am a succulent

Dying to be revived.

The earth crackles

Like old skin,

Split fingertips,

Until it

Bleeds.

Saturated clouds tease

Pregnant

Rumbling

Grey

Though never rain...

It tortures.

But thank God

That succulents

Were not made to die.

We're designed to thrive.

Lately, I felt a spiritual dryness that I couldn't shake. With the acquisition of a new definition of "sin" (á la winter camp: SIN - S - N = I ) my mistakes burdened me. But I tried too hard to "fix" them on my own, as if I had to be improved, or better, or making progress before I could approach God. In the meantime, I was not seeking Him. 

I was trying to save myself. 

I heard a segment on the radio with Brant Hansen that really hit home. He said, "Do you ever feel like you can't pray because it's been so long since you last talked to God? [yes] Or do you ever feel too guilty for what you've done that you couldn't possibly talk to God? [yes] Where he just feels far away and distant... [yes]" By this time, he had me all ears, "He's not. He's right there with you."

I think that even after we're saved, when we encounter trials and sin in our lives, in our human wisdom, we try to fix it, change it, improve the circumstances. And we forget that no matter how hard we try we still can't save ourselves. Thankfully, we don't have to--that's what Jesus did. So that for all our running, He can be right there with us when we are ready to come back to Him.

This poem began with my dryness, my thirst. But as I wrote it, I started thinking about trials. I don't think God created weak human beings. Humans are resilient, tenacious creatures and I think that even through trials and pain, we were designed to thrive in spite of adversity. Obviously, we cannot do it on our own, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can survive through great things and grow as a result.

"Succulents" by Ali Graney. Used under Creative Commons Attribution license.