How Facebook Feeds Discontentment

Lately, I've been really convicted by the discontentment and jealousy I harbor in my life. I found myself scrolling through the news-feed on Facebook and envying the experiences of others. So-and-so went to Argentina! I wish I could travel. Or seeing all the girls dolled up for prom- I wish we had had a prom in high school. Or the engagements and wedding photos! I wish I was closer to that stage of life. Seeing the pictures and trips and job promotions and funny stories of my friends just made me want things that I didn't have...right now.

There are some things that just cannot be (prom for example), but many other things that can be had in time. It is these things (travel, careers, marriage etc.) that cause me the most heartache for they are the earnest desires of my heart but I remain in a constant state of waiting and looking forward. I've always been looking forward. Things will be better when.... I'm older. I'm graduated from college. I'm living on my own. I have a good job. I'm married. I have money. I can travel. Or even more recently--things will be better when my parents come home or Jake comes back. I have constantly told myself, If I can just get through this thing now, I can move on to the next thing. And then (subconsciously I thought), I'd be happy. But these are only empty promises I make to myself; and when I finally get to the next thing, there is always something else

I've also noticed that in my hunger to hear (other people's) stories (something Facebook makes accessible without the pressure of "real" human interaction--a rant for another day), I often lose sight of my own. It's easy to think my mundane existence in Tucson, Arizona is less exciting, less adventurous, less valuable or less insert-your-own-adjective-here because it is not something else. It's not a foreign exchange program in China, or a mission's trip to France. It's not wedding-planning or scoring great internships in preparation for my "dream job" or starting non-profits for good causes. It's pretty ordinary. There are some moments where I can be content with ordinary. But it's hard. And I can't do it if I'm constantly immersing myself in the details of other people's lives to the point where I am not living my own.

So, in a couple days, I'm going to take the summer off from Facebook. The blog will still be running, but I really  want to focus on being present and enjoying my life for what it is instead of resenting it for what it isn't.